To the Secret Lair!
by Poohdog
Summary: Harry has a meeting with Sirius in the Shrieking Shack to ask him a question.  Apparently he's not the only one who schedules appointments there.  Slight RHr.  Set during fourth year.


**So I decided to try my hand at a writing challenge (this one the Random Phrases Challenge) because I haven't done one before. I don't own Harry Potter or anything else the quotes reference… Oh or the song "Stop in the name of love" which might not technically be pop but it's all I could think of… And no, this doesn't make much sense… Set in fourth year between 2****nd**** and 3****rd**** tasks.**

"Bloody, stupid girls!" Ron yelped as he came into the library and crashed down next to Harry. He bit his lip as he realized who else was around. Across the table, Luna Lovegood was muttering something about setting a Warpledurk on him and Ginny's eyes were dangerously narrow. Behind him, he heard someone storming around angrily and out of the corner of his eye he saw Professor Trelawny spending a brief moment down from her tower. She hit him in the back of the head as she walked by with a book entitled _Hope for Hang-Overs: A Guide to Helpful Headache Potions and More._

Harry glanced up. "Let's get out of here before Ginny murders you," he told Ron as his friend rubbed his head where Trelawny had hit it.

"To where?" Ron asked as Harry gathered up the book he was reading.

"To the secret lair!"

Ron scrunched his brow in confusion. "You mean the Whomping Willow?"

"Yes, the Whomping Willow. Where else could we have a good secret lair?"

"In a magical castle?"

"Fine, I just need to go to the Whomping Willow anyway," Harry told him as they walked out of the library.

"Why?"

"I'm meeting someone there."

"It's not Ginny is it?" Ron asked, his eyes narrowing in suspicion.

"No, it's not Ginny. It's-"

"Hey Potter, what are you doing down our hallway?" Goyle stormed. He was standing by Crabbe in a perfectly ordinary looking corridor. Well, perfectly ordinary other than the moving portrait subjects and sleepily nodding suit of armor.

"I'm so confused," Harry said, looking over at Ron with a look of slight interest. Ron nodded at him in agreement.

"What makes this your hallway anyway?" Ron asked.

"We were here first," Crabbe replied.

"Yeah that makes it ours," Goyle added.

"All ours."

"Yeah." Ron and Harry raised their eyebrows at each other.

"Actually," Ron began, "this is our hallway."

"It-it is?" Goyle asked.

"Yep, it's ours all day, everyday," Harry told him pridefully.

"It is not!" Crabbe insisted.

"Yeah it is not!" Goyle added.

"We're gonna- we're gonna-"

"We're gonna fight you for it," Goyle finished, drawing out his wand.

"Yeah," Crabbe agreed, copying the action. The two pairs began dueling in the middle of the popular hallway, jets of light shooting around the corridor and bouncing off the walls and at one point the sleepy suit of armor. In the bustle, no one saw Malfoy until he was standing right in the middle of them with his hands spread out to either side.

"Stop, in the name of love, before you break my heart! Err, I mean just stop!" he yelled out at both sides. "Why can't we all just be friends? I mean it's hard enough with OWL's coming up next year and keeping up with the Quidditch team and my parents always fight about- about-" he stuttered looking about ready to break down.

"Someone needs a hug," Ron told Malfoy and moved forward to wrap his arms around Malfoy, pinning the blonde-boy's arms to his sides.

"Let go of me!" he yelped, not noticing as Ron removed his wand where it was sticking up in the pocket of his robes.

"Fine then, if you don't want to be friendly," Ron huffed, moving back to stand by Harry.

"Yeah, just leave our hallway," Harry insisted.

"_Your_ hallway?"

"Yeah, our hallway, Ferret Boy," Ron growled.

"Oh, that's it!" he said reaching for his pocket. "Surrender now or prepare to-to," his voice grew quiet and squeaky as Ron dangled his wand in front of him, just out of his reach, "fight?"

"You really want to Malfoy?" Harry asked with a smirk before he and Ron took off after the trio of Slytherins. Crabbe and Goyle sent broken hexes against anything they could as Malfoy ran in circles screaming. No one noticed Snape come into the corridor.

"What is this rumpus?" he asked, looking right at Ron and Harry.

"Uh, they were trying to claim a hallway," Ron told him. "And we were, uh, just passing by."

"A likely story," Snape sneered.

"It's actually the truth!" Harry insisted. "Sort-of."

"Potter, you just lost yourself 50 points from Gryffindor. And Weasley you will be serving detention in my office tomorrow night prying the remains of Longbottom's cauldrons off of his desk without magic."

"Why me?" Ron whined.

"Because I can stand your presence better than Potter and it needs to be done!" he barked and then pointed at the end of the hallway. "Now go!"

Grumbling, Harry and Ron walked down the hall when they heard Malfoy exclaim to Professor Snape. "That was- that's fantabulous, Professor." The two Gryffindor boys glanced over at each other and broke into laughter as they walked further on their way.

"Are we going to the secret lair now?" Ron asked.

"Yes. Hey wait a minute, aren't we missing History of Magic?"

"Yeah, I think so," Ron shrugged.

"You don't care either?"

"Eh, whatever. I do what I want. And I _don't_ want to sit through another one of Binns classes today."

Professor Binns looked down at the attendance sheet on his desk. "Patil."

"Here," Parvati said sleepily.

"Potter?" There was silence. "Potter? Potter?"

"So our secret lair isn't actually the Whomping Willow it's the Shrieking Shack?" Ron asked as he crawled along.

"Yes. I have to meet someone there."

"Who?"

"Sirius."

"Oh." Ron paused. "Why are you meeting Sirius at the Shrieking Shack?"

"I want to learn how to become an Animagus. I figured it might be useful in the third task. What if I turn into a huge bird or something and can just fly up out of the maze. So simple. And I don't die or anything."

"Would be nice," Ron agreed as Harry hit his head on the trapdoor. He began rubbing his head with one hand and reached up to open it with the other. Ron followed. Sitting on the floor was Sirius Black, his hair tangled and un-kept and his grey robes torn, especially around the bottom. But he grinned when he saw Harry.

"Hello Sirius," Harry greeted.

"Hello Harry," he replied, giving him a quick one armed hug. "What did you want to ask me about?"

"I wanted to ask you about becoming an Animagus."

"You want to know that story?" Harry opened his mouth to say that he didn't want to know a story he wanted to know _how_ to become an animagus but Sirius kept right on going. "Alright I'll tell you." Sighing Harry sat down on the ground. Ron joined him. "We were sitting in the Great Hall…"

Today was a good day Sirius decided. He was chewing happily on a chicken bone as he tried to get every bit of the chicken taste off of it. James was sitting on one side of him stuffing down mashed potatoes and on his other side was Peter, who was already breaking into his peach cobbler. Remus had only just arrived, since he had come from Ancient Runes on the eighth floor rather than Muggle Studies on the second, and sat down next to James. He was filling his plate.

"Has it gone off yet?" Remus whispered to James. James shook his head and smiled.

"Not yet." Peter snorted as he heard James. James raised his eyebrows and smiled wider. "But it will soon," he added.

"How soon?" Remus asked curiously as he finished piling his plate and grabbed a fork.

"Mmm, about now," James told him and suddenly there was a blast from the other side of the room. Slowly, as people saw what had happened they began to laugh, Sirius especially hard.

"He should have learned by now not to sit in the same spot every damn day," Sirius told James.

"I love house-elves. So eager to please," James added. Severus Snape came storming toward them, peaches sticking to the front of his robes spelling out 'Wash me.'

"Potter!" he growled. Sirius laughed harder.

"You shouldn't have hexed Sirius behind his back after Potions yesterday," James said knowingly.

"You know I only did that because-" his eyes grew into slits as he realized everyone in the Great Hall was watching him. He leaned forward placing his hands on the table between Remus and James, his voice becoming a hiss. "I'll get you Potter, and," he looked over at Remus knowingly, "your little _dog_ too." Then he walked away, leaving Remus wide eyed and frightened. Peter and Sirius, who hadn't realized what had been said, laughed at Snape's retreating back. His hair had peaches stuck in the formation of the word, 'please?'

"I think I'm not so hungry," Remus stated and got up to leave. James followed him. Sirius sighed and went to keep up, dragging Peter along with him.

"What happened?" Sirius asked once they were out of the Great Hall and relatively alone. James told him about Snape's comment.

"He's going to tell," Remus said gloomily.

"No he's not," James assured him. "He doesn't know for sure. He's just guessing."

"But-" Remus began.

"Hey I know something that will cheer you up," Sirius said suddenly, casting a glance at Peter and James. They both nodded; they too had reached a final decision. "We've decided that we're going to become Animagi so we can stay with you during the full moon."

"You're _what_?" Remus asked, looking at them as though they were utterly and completely insane.

"Sirius," Harry interrupted. "Um actually that's not what I wanted to know about Animagi. You see I actually wanted to know about becom-"

"There you are," Hermione declared coming through the trapdoor.

"How'd you find us?" Harry asked.

"You weren't in History of Magic so I slipped out and grabbed the Map from your dormitory, Harry. I saw you and Ron were headed away on the trail from the Whomping Willow so I came looking for you."

"But what if you miss something that precious Binns says?" Ron asked grumpily.

"Well maybe I can get Victor to catch me up on wizarding history during one of our _conversations_," Hermione told him, glaring.

"Um," Harry began but Sirius interrupted him.

"Right, becoming an Animagus," he started. Hermione sighed and sat down on Harry's other side so she wasn't sitting next to Ron. "James, Peter, and I were all in an abandon classroom…"

They were getting close, Sirius just felt it. Last time he was sure he had felt fur on his back. James said maybe that was a sign he needed to shave his back but Sirius thought he was just grumpy. All he had felt was a headache.

"Alright, I'm going to try again," James said, standing in the middle of the classroom while Sirius and Peter watched. The window outside showed a bright moon in a dark sky. The invisibility cloak lay on an upturned desk near the door. James closed his eyes tightly, screwing them up in concentration. Peter gasped as James body began to morph, becoming a brown color as his hands reached down toward the ground and seemed to grow longer, skinnier, capping of with hooves. Antler sprang from the top of his head where his ears and nose were lengthening. James looked down at his feet and managed to hold form for a second before coming back, panting, still unable to hold it.

"I'm a llama!" James declared. Peter and Sirius raised their eyebrows. "What? I'm a llama. Didn't you see the hooves?"

"Didn't you feel the antlers?" Sirius asked. "You're a stag you dolt!" he laughed along with Peter.

"My father thought he was a llama?" Harry asked incredulously.

"Yes," Sirius said smiling. "Those were the good days when I was back at Hackwarts- er Hugwatts um- My brain is spazing today. How do you pronounce it?"

"Hog-warts," Hermione answered helpfully.

"Yes, yes that's it," Sirius said. Suddenly he froze. They heard footsteps coming toward the shack and before Sirius could transform into a dog the door opened and in came Fred, George, and Oliver Wood. The twins and Wood stopped dead and stared at the two boys, the girl, and the fugitive sitting on the ground of the Shrieking Shack.

"Um hello," Fred finally said.

"He's really innocent," Hermione said, pointing at Sirius. "Trust me, we've been sitting here listening to him tell a story and he hasn't yet tried to attack us. He's innocent."

"Right," George said, seeming completely unsure.

"What are you three doing here?" Ron asked.

"We wanted to have a discussion with Wood to ask who might be Quiddtich captain next year," Fred told them. "And we decided to meet here because nobody would find us."

"Mind telling us why he's innocent?" Oliver Wood asked faintly.

"Well, you might want to sit down. He's in story telling mood today," Harry said, figuring he wasn't going to get to ask about becoming an animagus today. Oliver nodded and flicked his wand down, settling glasses on the ground in front of everyone. Fred pulled out a jug of pumpkin juice.

"Nobody would sell us anything stronger since we were already out of school today," he grumbled as he poured some into his glass and then passed it around so everyone could have some.

"What are you doing here?" George asked suddenly, leaving Wood's question for the time unanswered.

"We came to talk to Sirius," Harry answered.

"That I wouldn't have expected to hear today. I suppose you should answer Wood's question. I don't know if I've ever been in this awkward of situation," George answered as Wood eyed Sirius nervously, Sirius looked at the door wondering if he could still run away, and everyone else watched the two of them.

"Oh I don't know. Ron's been in this awkward of situation at least," Fred said. "Remember when Ron got really scared before he went to bed?" he asked George and Harry. "So scared that he had a bad dream and wet the bed?" Despite himself Harry chuckled as George and Fred full out laughed.

"That was a- a long time ago," Ron stuttered to Hermione as he turned bright red.

"That was this summer," Fred laughed, barely able to get the words out through his mirth. Ron turned even redder.

"Um- um, Sirius, why don't you tell Wood why you're innocent?" Ron said quickly.

"Do I need to get you a pull-up first in case you get scared?" Sirius asked dryly.

"No!" Ron yelped. Sirius chuckled lightly and then grew serious as he began telling how Peter Pettigrew had framed him for betraying the Potters and murdering thirteen people.

"I do not want to meet him," George said when Sirius finished.

"Me either. Maybe we should include some of that in our essay though, George," Fred said.

"What essay?" Harry asked.

"For Mad-Eye Moody," Fred said pulling a crumpled paper out of his pocket and then fishing for a quill. "We have to ask ourselves 'what would Voldemort do?'" He began writing when the door burst open and a short, bald man came into the room holding a blanket.

"Peter!" Sirius howled as Harry's head began to shoot with pain.

"Peter Pettigrew?" George asked. "That's- it's-"

"If irony were pumpkins, we'd be drinking a lot of pumpkin juice right now," Ron filled in before taking a final sip of his own pumpkin juice and standing up. Harry stared at Pettigrew, his head pounding.

"The blanket? What's in the blanket?" he demanded of Peter.

"My, um, my- my dear-"

"It's Voldemort!" Harry yelled out, putting a hand to his throbbing head. "I know it is."

"Damn, this is worse than the Ministry saying Quidditch is cancelled," muttered George.

"What? _What?_" Wood began. "Quidditch can't be cancelled! It just can't," tears began to stream from his face as he started to cry too loudly to hear George say "Not! Not! It's not cancelled". "It's my life! Quidditch is my life and if-"

"Stupify!" Harry yelled at Wood. He began to teeter instead of going straight down.

"Was that really necessary?" a high pitched voice came from the blanket bundle Pettigrew had set on the ground right before Sirius had begun to chase after him. They had now both forgotten they were capable of magic, or so it seemed, as instead of two men there was a small rat being pursued by a very large, growling, hungry-looking, dog.

"Frankly, 'my dear' I don't give a damn!" Harry told him running toward the bundle while his head kept pounding.

"Remember," Wood said in a dazed voice, "there's no 'I' in team Gryffindor." Then he flopped over onto the floor, smashing Peter underneath of him.

"Um, yes there is," George muttered.

"Not the time!" Sirius said springing back as a man instead of a dog now that his prey was safely squashed. Voldemort was now beginning to throw curses in every direction, many of them in a dangerously green light.

"Hermione watch out!" Ron yelled, pushing her to the ground to avoid a dart of green light.

"Ron I thought you didn't-"

"Come on!" Harry yelled. Ron and Hermione sighed as the moment was broken. "Let's get out of here!"

"Exploso!" Ron yelled, pointing it at the ceiling. A chunk fell down right over Voldemort and a tremendously high scream could be heard before all the spells stopped. "Booyah!" Ron cheered as everyone else but Oliver Wood and Pettigrew stared at the spot in silence.

"Is it dead?" Hermione asked after a moment. Everyone shrugged. Harry slowly stepped forward.

"Don't!" Sirius told him as he realized where Harry was going but Harry already had his hand on the fallen plaster chunk.

"Kids, don't try this at home," he muttered before throwing the plaster off. The Voldemort baby-thing was staring up at the sky as Harry quickly grabbed the wand in its hand.

"You- you got to stick it to the man," the thing said in a squeaky voice before the eyes snapped shut and its head fell to the ground.

"Is it dead now?" Hermione asked.

"I don't know," Harry said. "Let's go find Dumbledore. He'll know what to do with it." Then he snapped the wand in half and shoved it in his pocket.

"That sounds like the best idea," Sirius replied as he went around and locked the doors and windows with his wand so there was no way the now wandless thing could get out. Fred and George awakened Wood and started down the tunnel. Sirius grabbed the unconscious Peter by his tail and smirked. "Now I can prove I'm innocent and clear my name," Sirius growled. Harry gave a slight laugh.

"What?"

"Snape," Harry said. "I can't wait to wipe the smirk off his face when he finds out you're free."

Later that day they all, except for Oliver Wood, stood in Professor McGonagall's office along with Snape and Dumbledore. A Ministry official was coming for Peter Pettigrew. Peeves was outside the door making rude noises as Professor McGonagall had kept him from coming in. "Let me guess," Snape started as soon as they finished their tale, glaring at the Gryffindors in their head's office. "Who wants free house points for this daring task?"

"I'd actually like some," Ron said cheekily.

"Fine then! One hundred points to Gryffindor for Potter smashing the Dark Lord and fifty points _from_ each of you for leaving Hogwarts grounds without permission!"

"Severus that's not fair," Professor McGonagall told him angrily.

"Sorry," he said sarcastically, "but house points are just like a muggle magic trick. You see them, then you don't."

"Well then," Professor McGonagall said. "Let's give the three Mr. Weasley's and Ms. Granger a hundred points each for helping smash the Dark Lord." Snape growled.

"50 points from Gryffindor for Weasley's cheek." Fred and George looked at each other and smirked. Harry saw Fred point his wand at Professor Snape and mutter something.

"100 points to Gryffindor for helping clear the name of an innocent man." Snape didn't answer. His face had suddenly fallen into a look of something between guilt, shame, and anger.

"What's that smell?" Ron whispered to Harry and Hermione.

"Why, it's Snape's greatest potion of all," Hermione giggled back.

"I, um, must go," Snape stated turning toward the door.

"Ah, you're such a silly goose," George laughed. Snape glared. Professor McGonagall had her nose wrinkled and Dumbledore seemed expressionless.

"Dobby," Dumbledore said. The house elf appeared suddenly in Professor McGonagall's office. "I believe Professor Snape has been hit by a pantalones poopicus spell. Would you please, err, assist him? Get him new robes and what not." Dobby looked reluctant but nodded.

"Yes sir, Dobby will do it," he answered before heading through the door. Before it closed Harry heard Peeves laughing at the elf and telling him to "Go get 'em cowboy."

"Well, I'd best go see to whatever is left in the Shrieking Shack. Minerva, will you wait for the Ministry representative?" Professor McGonagall nodded. Harry, Ron, Hermione, the twins, and Sirius left the room after Dumbledore.

"I never found out why you were so angry with girls early Ron," Harry said, suddenly remembering.

"Oh, um Hermione and I got together a week ago," he answered, blushing. Hermione looked at her feet.

"I know," Harry answered.

"But, ah, we had a fight and broke up this afternoon." Ron looked pointedly away from Hermione's eyes.

"The ship, it's sinking!" Harry thought he heard Dumbledore say in front of him.

"But I'd really like to get back together, Hermione, if you'll forgive me for getting mad about Krum…again," Ron said with a deep breath as he looked over at Hermione.

"If you'll forgive me for calling you a- well, you know," Hermione said blushing. Ron and Hermione stopped in the hallway, getting dangerously close to each other. Fred and George suddenly turned a corner and Harry caught Sirius's eye so they could hurry away.

"And it floats again," Dumbledore mumbled amusedly as Harry and Sirius sped away from Ron and Hermione; they looked frightfully close to finding a broom cupboard.

"You know," said Fred as they met up again at the end of the hall. "This," he jerked his head in the vague direction of Ron and Hermione, "reminds me of Grease when they get back together in the end. Except Hermione isn't smutty and Ron was never a 'rebel'. But besides that."

"Yeah, besides that," Harry said, looking over at Sirius, wanting to ask him how it felt to be free. He was staring out the window. "What are you looking at?" Harry asked him.

"That thing," he said. His face widened into a grin. He pointed up at the sky through the window in amazement. "It's a bird; it's a plane; no it's Harry!"

"No it's not. I'm right here," Harry reminded him.

"No not Harry, hairy. It has a hairy beard and- Hagrid I'm almost free now! Give me the motorcycle back!" Sirius hollered as he ran down the stairs. "Hagrid! Hagrid!"

"Well then," George said. Harry and Fred just nodded. What else could be said?


End file.
